Ven Daniel : We're all in this together!: Big Mushroom Head...shots.

A short list of Things I Hate Doing:

Throwing up

Murdering bunnies

Burning my taint on a waffle iron

Getting an STD

Eating Gefilte Fish

Fellating a Grizzy Bear

Slipping in a homeless man's feces

Having to pretend I don't notice you're a little person

Auditioning

and the point of this entry.....

Picking a headshot!

This past week I had headshots taken by two separate, talented photographers. "Why did you have two photographers take your headshots" you might ask? Well... let me explain! Stop pestering me....DAD! After showing my current headshots to my at-the-time, hopefully new agent, he, with the utmost delicacy....immediately suggested new ones. The one where my hand is on the temple of my head, and I am SERVING IT UP with "eye"-tensity, yes...that one... the one that everyone says my eyes look really intense and other very complimentary things... HE HATED. And he thought the other two shots were not going to help my fight to change my dancer-boy image to...well, NOT a dancer-boy image. I agreed. At that point I would have agreed to manipulate my scrotum and penis into the shape of a cheeseburger just to have him represent me, but luckily I didn't have to... even though I've seen it online and can TOTALLY do it! Anyhoo... He wanted me to get some "leading man, edgy" headshots and suggested I use this one photographer. So.... I call and make an appointment with this guy (which in itself is a big step for my procrastinating ass), we meet... completely enjoy each other's company (easily one of the nicest people I have ever met)... and schedule a day and time to take some glorious headshots that are going to make me a shining star. So... that is one photographer scheduled.. NEXT...

A month or so before I left tour, a friend of mine was talking to a friend of his (are you following all this???) and somehow it came up that he was interested in photographing me...pro bono. Not Sonny Bono... or the new Chaz Bono... but pro bono. WELL!!! Someone wants to take picture of me and I don't have to pay them??? I'm IN!!! After another miraculous show of NOT procrastinating we wound up meeting, totally hit it off, and scheduled a day to make magic.... a day that happened to be THE DAY BEFORE the other photo shoot. Sooooo.... a week later... I have two photo shoots in two days...

Photo shoot day one.... I arrive. Pull out my clothes and hang them up. Pick out an outfit. We walk around Hells Kitchen, mostly 46th-50th Street between 9th and 10th Aves... find some cool colors, areas,... take some shots.... change some clothes right there on the street... take some shots... pretend I'm Tyra Banks (we have the same forehead!).... head back to his apartment... change some clothes... take some shots.... take off some clothing (I DONT DO NUDES... yet) and arrange the always loved Top Lighting... take some shots in a speedo inside the studio in his apartment... and finish with some more.... shots. 495+ shots in a few hours. End of the day...Great time had by all! All pics available online to peruse the next day.

Photo shoot day two... I get to the photographer's apartment, which is only like 8 blocks south and 2 blocks west of the first photographers (close...but in NYC, even one block can make a big difference!).... The photographer made magic with the clothes that I brought.... and even lent me an undershirt and tie! This guy could possibly be one of the nicest people in New York! I brought some preppy, vibrantly-colored sweaters that I thought would pop in pictures... and I WAS RIGHT by the way! However... I should have purchased and brought that Hugo Boss slim-fit shirt and black tie that I really wanted to be photographed in, but I couldn't get myself to fork out the money for it.... I should have just done it! DAMN! UGH... Sometimes I just irritate myself so much! Now, since I wasn't in my uniform, a t-shirt and jeans combo that I always wear, I was already a touch out of my element. We leave the apartment and start going around a 5 block area, which was not the most comfortable environment for me. (Highly populated, lot of traffic, dirty, and the people who were nearby scared me.... I felt at any minute I was going to be called a faggot or something, which doesn't happen normally, but happened the last time I got headshots taken, so I knew it was a possibility...i guess there is something inherently gay about a man getting pictures taken, who knew?)... So I sit on the dirty floor, take some shots.... walk around.... take some more shots sitting on the dirty pavement.... we run from a crazy, angry homeless man... go back to apartment for outfit number 2.... same thing outside...at one point some woman in her car opened her window and asked us to remove a pigeon stuck on the hood of her car.... we declined. I ain't touching a fuckin' pigeon.. HELL NO! Back to apartment for outfit number 3.... then... more of same thing outside. I've learned that I find it almost impossible to give you "leading-man edgy" whilst sitting flat-assed on a dirty city sidewalk, in preppy and brightly-colored sweaters, looking up at a camera. I know for next time! I couldn't even fake it. By the end of the third outfit... I'm just done. I realized after the shoot that I should have said something about how I was feeling... but at the time I felt like I was paying this photographer for his specific "artistic eye" and that it would be rude to not do what he suggested. I still feel like that! I mean... this is an amazing person, recommended to be by my newly signed agent (WOO HOO!!!!!!! I have a new agent!) who has taken some amazing headshots for actors, and I felt like it was just my issues with the environment that I needed to get over and rise above. WHICH I DIDN'T! I was so uncomfortable that I passed on a 4th outfit opportunity. Who does that? ME apparently! The thought of having to put on another "leading-man, edgy" outfit and sit on the filthy floor of the concrete jungle one more time was stressing me out. I also felt so bad because I must have been soooo boring to take pictures of. Yes... I actually felt bad because of how poorly I was performing. I still get bothered at how passive I was just writing about it. Okay okay ... the point of this is not the shoot itself... it is how I react to seeing picture of me! So... let's move on.

I get the link to all the pics from the first shoot... and a disc of all the shots from the second shoot. Now the trauma really begins! I look at pictures of myself and wonder which one of my chromosomes is missing! I go through the shots... and basically.... I'm a mutant! My ears are uneven, one eye has more lid than the other so it looks like I'm stoned... IN ONE EYE! My upper lip isn't symmetrical so I sometimes look like the Joker from Batman.... My teeth sometimes look Giant... and my smile sometimes look so fake that I want to punch myself in the face. My hairline is always the first thing I see. And basically, how much I like a picture is directly related to how thick I think my hair looks. I have learned that the only way I will like a picture of me.... is by being able to find the least things wrong with it. Apparently... I will only like a picture of me... if I can look at it and not throw up in my mouth. I have become the kind of person who can only appreciate a picture of me where I look attractive...like this is the only thing that is important about me. This isn't a good thing when trying to find a headshot. People say that a headshot should have personality... I HAVE personality! I got tons of that shit! I got personality oozing out of my urethra... Oh wait! I better get that checked. Where was I? Oh yeah... I am only comfortable with pictures of me if they are attractive and free from flaws (unless I am deliberately trying to look unattractive... then its okay... that's COMEDY!).... WELL.... I am full of flaws... and they are all I see when I look in the mirror or at pictures, so I am having a horrible time picking shots! I have asked a bunch of people to help me pick my new headshots... and let's just say, if I had the choice between using some of the headshots people liked and sticking rusty, barbed wire in my pee hole, I'd be needing a tetanus shot and some Spackle!

So what is the point of this whole blog? I guess a couple of things. ONE.... I need to grow a pair of balls the next time I get headshots taken. If there was ever a photographer I could have expressed my concerns to, it was this one! So the next time, I'm speaking up! TWO... I have to learn to be objective when looking at pictures of myself. My friend Lucia Spina really helped me look at my shots from a different angle, and helped me see that I don't have to look perfect for it to be a great headshot. Looking my best might just be when I just look like me, imperfections and all! A picture of me is just that... a picture. And if I am picking a shot that is not fully representing me... then I'm doing myself a disservice.... Oh who the fuck am I kidding? I know that won't ever go away completely! But I do know that I can't be perfect no matter how hard I try. Maybe I can just focus on not being so hard on myself. Baby Steps people! Rome wasn't built in a day!

Some of my favorites.... though may not be great headshots!