A 4 week on-camera class at One on One Studios made me want to cut open a vein and bleed out rather listen to my classmates' opinions of everyone's work. I felt like I was back in Freshman Acting at New World School of the Arts, where after doing a scene, your classmates would critique your work... and you had to sit there and listen to these people who, just like you, have no experience....but tons of opinions about how to do things. My balls should have been raw from how many people I told to suck them. (in my mind, of course.) This particular class took 4 nights of my life and stretched them to feel like 4 months... without getting 4 months of information. I sat in the back corner, smooshed up against the wall, and hid behind the front row of student in the hopes that I wouldn't be called upon to give my opinion about my classmates' work. I don't want to hear what they have to say about my work (unless it is lavish praise...which it rarely is), and I find it hard to believe that anyone in that class gave 2 shits about what I had to say about their work.... BUT.... had they given 2 actually shits in the class... I would have been unable to control myself...and given my opinion about their turds. I think we are all glad no one defecated in the class... simply because it was a small room. So, during the last class of the session, we spent 2 1/2 hours (of a 2 1/2 hour class that always ran late...and not in a good way) sitting out in the lobby of the studio space waiting to "audition" for ... are you ready for this??? our classmates! Not kidding! As this was being explained to us, I heard a loud thud below me and realized it was my jaw hitting the ground. Once my mouth was re-hinged, i got the last bit of information. Not only are we auditioning for our classmates, they are going to give us adjustments and recommendations in order to do the scene a second time. I CAN'T! I just can't. I want to hear what adjustments my TEACHER (who is a known casting director in NYC) has for me...not the students. This sucks. After the entire class has had a chance to read their scenes, we find out the whole point of the 4-week class was to teach us that most of the audition process is out of our control...sometimes you just don't look like the part, that all we can do is our best... the rest is out of our hands...and blah blah fuckin' blah! I'm not knocking the importance of that information, but it seems like a pretty easy thing to say in under 1 minute...not 4 weeks. If so much is out of our control.... then teach me how to master the parts that ARE in my control. Seems like a pretty simple concept to me... apparently not the teacher. At least she was really...nice. In trying to find the positive, I'm happy that I had 4 opportunities to be in front of a camera, and probably wouldn't be so heated about the heinousness of the class if it wasn't $400+ BUCKS!!! But to be fair and aware..... I think the majority of the reason I hated this class was because I took two separate classes with one of the best teachers I have ever had the opportunity to study with...and one of the most life-changing, yes... i said 'life-changing," classes I have ever been in! Bob Krakower's On-Camera Audition class at One on One Studios. I get a chubby just thinking about it. Ladies and Gentlemen.... you might never hear this from me again, but if you have a choice between taking this class, and fellatio from the hottest person you have ever met...AND this person can remove their teeth whilst still being sexy..... take the class. I KNOW! That's how great it was! And you know how much I love gum jobs. (If you are a female... figure out the equivalent to the toothless vacuum I just described.... maybe a man with vibrating lips...i don't have a vagina so I have to base it on previous experience and female friend's descriptions. And if you're a tranny... I... I just don't even know where to begin, but take the class.) Anyhoo....
Before returning to NYC, I had heard from a plethora of people that I should take Bob's class. Every student of his with which I had spoken raved about the class, but not the normal "it was great! You should take it" crap that people say all the time about classes. I kept hearing unusual descriptions like: "Life-changing"and "You NEED to take this class." Life-changing? I love that! NEED to take it??? Don't' tell me what to do! Well, apparently I wasn't the only person hearing this from his talented friends, because after my orientation at One on One studios I marched my recently worked-out and firm glutes right up to the front desk and said, "Bob's Krakower's class please." It was as if I asked to see a one-legged little person on a unicycle, juggling Pamela Anderson's discarded silicone implants. Not Gonna Happen. (no matter how hard I pray!) "That class has been full since the day we posted it a month ago. I can put you on the waiting list and if a space just happens to open up, we will do a mass e-mailing to everyone on the list, and the first one to get to a computer and sign up for the class will get the spot." HOLY SHIT! What am I signing up for.... a chance to tickle Angelina Jolie's tweeter? "Okay, then put me on that list!" I say with a big, newly-whitened grin....and ushered my bum out the building.
I have never looked at my email more than during that month. NOTHING! Then one day....randomly in the car of a friend of mine (if you live in NYC...having a friend with a car is a rare treat...like hearing your mother fart) I saw on my phone that I received an email informing me that Bob Krakower has put up the next New Student class date, and registration is happening... Now! NOW? PULL OVER!!!!! PULL OVER!!!!! My friend swerves to the curb, dodging a urinating homeless man, an old woman who hasn't stood up straight since the Ford Administration, a few random piles of horse dung, and a dirty water hot dog stand... I run out... straight to this coffee shop that I have never seen in NYC, STARBUCKS, open my lap top... COME ON... COME ON!!.... go to the website.... OH PLEASE OH PLEASE..... and.... I get in!!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! excuse me? How much is that? $525? Are you kidding me? $525 dollars....does he toggle my nuggets at at the end of each class? I read the fine print... nope, no Tantric rub-down... It's okay, I can schedule that on my own... I have connections. But I am in! A 2-day intensive.... 9 am to 6 pm.. It's on! But I have no idea what I am in for...And I haven't gotten up before 11:00 am in months. BRING IT ON... and while I'm here, I'll have an Iced Venti Unsweetened Iced Coffee please.
The first day arrives and I am carrying my imaginary toolbox full of all my acting skills that I have accumulated over the past 10 years of working professionally in the business, and another 4 years of college. There are specialty tools in there....characters, accents, actions, emotions, colors, choices... all the things we are taught to master. The 15 of us in the class all have boxes of our own. Some are tall and skinny, some short and fat, some boxes have a receding hairline, and some are young and fresh from the manufacturer. A few of the boxes are so amazing looking that even if they were filled with Syphilis and Chlamydia.... you'd still want to stick your fingers in there, but maybe not call the next day. Thank you Antibiotics! So, after handing out the same scene to everyone he screams, "Get out and come back in 15 minutes!" You can see us all digging deep into our tool boxes to show him and the other students how amazing our 'house' is going to be when we build it using these tools.
One by one.... we get in front of the camera and do the scene... and one by one we see how different everyone has interpreted the scene. Collectively, we bring different characters, scenarios, speech patterns, etc. After the last student is recorded, we watch the tape. That doesn't sound like a hard thing to do. WRONG! I couldn't even pic out my own headshots, this is torture. Watching yourself on screen is comparable to pulling out your pubes one by one. Not comfortable. It's an interesting paradox wanting to work on camera, and HATING everything about yourself... on camera. Why do we do this to ourselves? Not quite sure yet. Bob even said, "I'm going to lose you once you watch yourself on camera"...and...he was right... as I'm learning he usually is.
So, I guess the best way to describe what happened during that first scene is to continue with the toolbox and house imagery. We all got the same scene, skimmed it, thought about how we would "act" it, and then went into our toolboxes and built these beautiful homes (the scene) from all of our acting experiences. We all made wonderful dwellings... some Mansions, some cottages by the sea, a few condos, a smattering of penthouses, 3 teepees, and one igloo. But the one thing in common was that none of our "homes" had any foundation, no plumbing, no chimney...no electricity. Nothing to stand on. It was just a beautiful facade, nothing else. Collectively, we hadn't learned how to read a scene properly and DO what the scene was asking us to do. Most of us were theatre actors. We had no clue how to use the frame of the camera to our advantage, which is a whole separate set of skills! I could try to explain all the information I learned in that first two day intensive, but then I'd have to kill you... and the only kind of killing I do is with Kindness.
I was so enthralled and invigorated from this experience that the evening I finished the 2-day intensive I signed up for the advanced level of this class. I just happened to luck out and get into the class the following month, and decided to take the 4-day session, since the 2-day was so exhausting and my brain felt like it was going to explode. Just like the first class, it was AMAZING!
Bob Krakower's classes were the first learning environments in my entire life where I was completely comfortable making mistakes and not being "good" at something. Vulnerable, yet safe. I knew that my mistakes would just be another opportunity to learn something from this brilliant, supportive teacher. There are fantastic classes and brilliant teachers out there. These teachers, who at times unknowingly become mentors (my voice teacher D. Michael Heath), have information and knowledge that would make it impossible for us NOT to improve if we pay attention, work hard, and practice. There are classes taught by teachers who love teaching, and love seeing their students learn and grow. This business is too hard to not love what we do, and I am so grateful to everyone who recommended Bob's class to me. I feel that Bob has given me a tool belt, and put a hammer and screwdriver inside the front pocket and said, "Here... here are the basics.... master these, and you can have your toolbox back."
Now if I could just nail or screw somebody.
Love each other.
XOXO
Ven
Before returning to NYC, I had heard from a plethora of people that I should take Bob's class. Every student of his with which I had spoken raved about the class, but not the normal "it was great! You should take it" crap that people say all the time about classes. I kept hearing unusual descriptions like: "Life-changing"and "You NEED to take this class." Life-changing? I love that! NEED to take it??? Don't' tell me what to do! Well, apparently I wasn't the only person hearing this from his talented friends, because after my orientation at One on One studios I marched my recently worked-out and firm glutes right up to the front desk and said, "Bob's Krakower's class please." It was as if I asked to see a one-legged little person on a unicycle, juggling Pamela Anderson's discarded silicone implants. Not Gonna Happen. (no matter how hard I pray!) "That class has been full since the day we posted it a month ago. I can put you on the waiting list and if a space just happens to open up, we will do a mass e-mailing to everyone on the list, and the first one to get to a computer and sign up for the class will get the spot." HOLY SHIT! What am I signing up for.... a chance to tickle Angelina Jolie's tweeter? "Okay, then put me on that list!" I say with a big, newly-whitened grin....and ushered my bum out the building.
I have never looked at my email more than during that month. NOTHING! Then one day....randomly in the car of a friend of mine (if you live in NYC...having a friend with a car is a rare treat...like hearing your mother fart) I saw on my phone that I received an email informing me that Bob Krakower has put up the next New Student class date, and registration is happening... Now! NOW? PULL OVER!!!!! PULL OVER!!!!! My friend swerves to the curb, dodging a urinating homeless man, an old woman who hasn't stood up straight since the Ford Administration, a few random piles of horse dung, and a dirty water hot dog stand... I run out... straight to this coffee shop that I have never seen in NYC, STARBUCKS, open my lap top... COME ON... COME ON!!.... go to the website.... OH PLEASE OH PLEASE..... and.... I get in!!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! excuse me? How much is that? $525? Are you kidding me? $525 dollars....does he toggle my nuggets at at the end of each class? I read the fine print... nope, no Tantric rub-down... It's okay, I can schedule that on my own... I have connections. But I am in! A 2-day intensive.... 9 am to 6 pm.. It's on! But I have no idea what I am in for...And I haven't gotten up before 11:00 am in months. BRING IT ON... and while I'm here, I'll have an Iced Venti Unsweetened Iced Coffee please.
The first day arrives and I am carrying my imaginary toolbox full of all my acting skills that I have accumulated over the past 10 years of working professionally in the business, and another 4 years of college. There are specialty tools in there....characters, accents, actions, emotions, colors, choices... all the things we are taught to master. The 15 of us in the class all have boxes of our own. Some are tall and skinny, some short and fat, some boxes have a receding hairline, and some are young and fresh from the manufacturer. A few of the boxes are so amazing looking that even if they were filled with Syphilis and Chlamydia.... you'd still want to stick your fingers in there, but maybe not call the next day. Thank you Antibiotics! So, after handing out the same scene to everyone he screams, "Get out and come back in 15 minutes!" You can see us all digging deep into our tool boxes to show him and the other students how amazing our 'house' is going to be when we build it using these tools.
One by one.... we get in front of the camera and do the scene... and one by one we see how different everyone has interpreted the scene. Collectively, we bring different characters, scenarios, speech patterns, etc. After the last student is recorded, we watch the tape. That doesn't sound like a hard thing to do. WRONG! I couldn't even pic out my own headshots, this is torture. Watching yourself on screen is comparable to pulling out your pubes one by one. Not comfortable. It's an interesting paradox wanting to work on camera, and HATING everything about yourself... on camera. Why do we do this to ourselves? Not quite sure yet. Bob even said, "I'm going to lose you once you watch yourself on camera"...and...he was right... as I'm learning he usually is.
So, I guess the best way to describe what happened during that first scene is to continue with the toolbox and house imagery. We all got the same scene, skimmed it, thought about how we would "act" it, and then went into our toolboxes and built these beautiful homes (the scene) from all of our acting experiences. We all made wonderful dwellings... some Mansions, some cottages by the sea, a few condos, a smattering of penthouses, 3 teepees, and one igloo. But the one thing in common was that none of our "homes" had any foundation, no plumbing, no chimney...no electricity. Nothing to stand on. It was just a beautiful facade, nothing else. Collectively, we hadn't learned how to read a scene properly and DO what the scene was asking us to do. Most of us were theatre actors. We had no clue how to use the frame of the camera to our advantage, which is a whole separate set of skills! I could try to explain all the information I learned in that first two day intensive, but then I'd have to kill you... and the only kind of killing I do is with Kindness.
I was so enthralled and invigorated from this experience that the evening I finished the 2-day intensive I signed up for the advanced level of this class. I just happened to luck out and get into the class the following month, and decided to take the 4-day session, since the 2-day was so exhausting and my brain felt like it was going to explode. Just like the first class, it was AMAZING!
Bob Krakower's classes were the first learning environments in my entire life where I was completely comfortable making mistakes and not being "good" at something. Vulnerable, yet safe. I knew that my mistakes would just be another opportunity to learn something from this brilliant, supportive teacher. There are fantastic classes and brilliant teachers out there. These teachers, who at times unknowingly become mentors (my voice teacher D. Michael Heath), have information and knowledge that would make it impossible for us NOT to improve if we pay attention, work hard, and practice. There are classes taught by teachers who love teaching, and love seeing their students learn and grow. This business is too hard to not love what we do, and I am so grateful to everyone who recommended Bob's class to me. I feel that Bob has given me a tool belt, and put a hammer and screwdriver inside the front pocket and said, "Here... here are the basics.... master these, and you can have your toolbox back."
Now if I could just nail or screw somebody.
Love each other.
XOXO
Ven
